Friday, August 30, 2013

THANK YOU 2

Dear Sky-Touching Nightravens
Thank you for the nice assassin; was disappointed at first, moment where he appeared and had me tied to chair after I slept with archaeologist to get information in France, he was wearing nice suit. Thought he was going to torture me, but he struck up pleasant intelligent conversation and told me exactly why I had to be removed while slowly removing suit. Thought he might go for lowest common denominator once the pants came off. Was wearing little dog collar boxers and had a swastika tattoo on his left arm! Then said "and for some of us, that savagery is damnably hard to deal with" then shapeshifted into ten foot tall werewolf! Very classic, but also with nice twist! Nearly killed him with silver letter opener, he escaped out window with scar to his eye, hope to meet him again on zeppelin ride toward Himalayas where we will banter. Thumbed you again on RottenOmertas.

To: Shadow Demon Mafia
Did not like most recent succubus. Thank you for attempt anyway; I may swing both ways but I know a honeytrap when I see it. "Fiery death form" was still very sexy, and fight would have looked very cheesy to onlookers. Thumbed you down, but still looking forward to next time.

To: Ancient Serpent Cult
I don't know the name of your organization, but I'm very impressed with the way your cultists set a trap for me involving "friendly" village in need of rescue. The bit with the glowing motionless statues that yet followed me into the jungle was quite frightening and rather original. Nearly lost an arm! VERY impressed!

Dear Knife-Blackness Hand
I don't know who keeps putting you up to this, but your stealth assassins are incredible! Thank you for the most recent attempt which livened up an otherwise dull evening at the theater. I hate opera and it was very fun to throw knives back and forth in the kitchen, we shared a turkey and he tried to poison it a couple of times while I was watching. Very bold! And he looked amazing coated in oil. Right before I locked him into the steamer, anyway. As always, hug and kisses!

Dear Sky-Touching Nightravens
Brooklyn assassin in a fedora with the callsign "Two-Bit" and the ability to levitate a single 25-cent coin and fling it around rooms with the force of a high caliber bullet? AMAZING! Thank you so much for the experience! Also, I love the fruit basket. Checked it for bugs and poison, not a thing! Much love and kisses. Maybe some day we'll be forced to work together to prevent the world from being destroyed by a mistake from someone in your hierarchy, I look forward to your inevitable yet extremely classy betrayal (or your attempts to hire me! Kisses!).

Dear Black Star Crew
Please stop attacking my house. Actually called Sky-Touching Nightravens operative on the phone during the attack and we both complained about you while your assassin tried to kill me with minigun on the front lawn. Trying to kill me while in the bathtub, especially when I am not working on a case involving your organization shows no class at all and makes you seem desperate.

To: Ancient Serpent Cult
Normally I am not pleased with attacks on my home, but your attempts to recover the unearthly serpent totem from my home were very well orchestrated, that you recovered it without harming any of the books or other pieces in my conservatory impressed me heavily and I had trouble sleeping knowing that you could enter my home at any time and leave very little trace of your presence aside from telltale acidic stains which I recognized from the abandoned village where I had originally recovered the item. Well done, and I hope to uncover the mystery of your origin and purpose with time. Hugs and kisses!

Dear Black Star Crew
Thanks to my recovery of the Brisingamen and returning it to the Aesir, I have been granted a boon by these ancient beings and am now immune to all poison and venoms that would harm me in such a manner as to slay me. Please bear this in mind for future plans and stop killing my maids. Thank you.

3 comments:

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